Balance

The single most valuable advice I have received regarding living a full, allowing and loving life is to seek balance.

Notice I did not say, to FIND balance. What I am learning, is that balance, when prepared for, will come.

So how does one, prepare for balance?

Be present to your life as you are living it in each an every moment. Be awake and aware of what you are feeling. And when the feelings come...acknowledge them....recognize them for what they are....feel the fullness of them, and then, simply let them go as you move along to the next thing.

Case in point....I find myself still pulling into my driveway...positioning my car in such away so that there will be room for another. It is a long standing habit, based on a long term relationship of sharing the driveway with my partner and his car. When I recognized this evening that I was still "saving space" for him on the driveway; I was shaken. Did this mean I was denying the end of the relationship? Did it mean I secretly wanted him to drive into the driveway , rush through the front door, and tell me this is all a horrible mistake ? Does it mean that I am afraid to start a new life detached from him ? I sat in my car with the engine off and felt......horrible for a few minutes. That such a little thing, this unconscious act, could have potentially so much emotional baggage attached to it.

So there in my driveway, with plenty of room left for the car I know will not park next to me,I felt my breath catch in my chest, and my heart give a little pinch. " This is a sad moment for me" I said to the steering wheel...feeling the loss of the relationship keenly as I sat there. I let my mind explore the sadness of it...neither rushing nor directing the thoughts. And after a few minutes....I noticed that my breath was more normal...the tears that had come to my eyes did not fall to my cheeks....and my heart was still beating. I sighed and opened the door, stepping out into the sunshine; feeling its warmth on my shoulders...feeling connected not only to the sadness of the moment, but at the same time, a hope for happiness to find me as well.

Balance.
It is, everything.