Harbinger of Spring

I've been having an affair.

And yesterday, the for very first time in the 21 years that I have been carrying on this one sided tryst, I spoke to the object of my affection.



Ahhh...he has no clue as to my feelings; he is the quintessential passing fancy.


Our landmark conversation, after 21 years is as follows:

"Spring is here, if you are out running"
"Heh heh....... Yeah"

...sigh...

I speak of the man I have come to know as Yellow Shorts Guy.
For the span of 21 springs that I have enjoyed in this house, Yellow Shorts Guy has been my
icon for spring. I never know when I will see him --and I never know exactly where. But I know, when I do see him, that the light perfumed days of April and May are not far behind.

Over the years, I have watched the changes in Yellow Shorts Guy. His hair, once richly dark and long has become grayer ....and shorter. For a number of springs, he kept a small pony tail...sometimes braided....but this year, the hair is closely cropped to the back of his neck.

He has always been fit; as one might expect of a career runner. And in warmer, shirtless days years ago; this fact was not lost on me...he tans well -- I suspect family hails from parts of the Mediterranean; this is just a guess of course, based on his dark eyes and easy change in skin tone. And although the middle of him is a wee bit thicker and perhaps his pace a few steps slower, there is one thing about him that is a constant: his yellow running shorts.

Yellow Shorts Guy has worn these same running shorts for the entire time I have watched him.
I know the cut of them, how they fit, how they move, how they fade just the tiniest bit from year to year. Once a screaming yellow, they have now become a happy, sunflower yellow...but yellow they are.

I love that this man has these favourite shorts and wears them for an activity he clearly loves.
I love his consistency, his dedication, his practical nature. If the shorts still work, why replace them ? If the neighborhood still suits you, why move ?

So yesterday...after an afternoon of cutting and hauling tree branches to the street for pickup...sweeping and raking and planting and watering and doing things unfamiliar to me and feeling quite awkward about it all, it was a wonderful surprise to look up and see Yellow Shorts Guy fast approaching. And because this day his route took him directly in front of my house and not 3 feet from where I was standing - I summoned my courage and spoke.

He did not break stride and I did not expect nor want him to. It was enough, to simply acknowledge my personal harbinger of spring -- to smile and feel happy in knowing he is about; that spring is here, that flowers will bloom, that possibilities abound.

Ahhh.....Spring

Solitude

When was the last time that you spent a full day in solitude?

Notice I didn't say alone?

There is a difference, in my universe. In solitude, one can have Thomson's elegant sufficiency..

..." An elegant sufficiency, content,
Retirement, rural quiet, friendship, books,..."

In the quiet spaces of life, it may be easy to mistake solitude for being alone. Alone is ...without contact or connection with any other person important in your life. When my partner left our relationship....left the home we had shared, I wandered about these newly empty places wondering how on earth I would fill them. The feeling of a room newly bare....a bed too big.... how does one live with those and NOT feel, alone ? How does one reclaim a place so infused with the essence of another that what you see first is that which is missing, not that which is there ?

The answer is to not mistake solitude for being alone. In solitude we have the luxury of getting to know ourselves....rediscover, re-invent, re-think what it is we are....what it is we want to be.
And in this elegant sufficiency, we can allow our connections to others; to friends, to family - to remind us that truly...we are not alone.